Transition is surrender

Oh, how time can move both fast & slow is so amazing to me 
5/21 marks four years into my transition 

when I started, I wondered what my life would look like in a few years, 

who would know the details of my identity crisis? 
was I in school? would my classmates know? 
where was I living? what was I doing for work? 
what will it look like when I meet the love of my life? 
Will this be a secret that I have to come-out with? 
a part of my self that I only confide in a few? 
Why do I feel like I have to hide this from everyone? 
Why do I care about what people think? 

Throughout my journey,
I have become increasingly more aware of the ways that my social conditioning
has been holding me back from being and loving my experience,

I struggled to come to terms with the nature of my existence 

I mean, 
Aren't we all becoming more of ourselves all the time? 
... or at least, isn't that kind of the goal? 

only after transitioning 
did I realize how little gender affected my life 
and only then did i start to understand 
what a privilege that is in our world 

in 2012 I was nineteen wondering if my transition was something that I would put behind me 

a journey that started and finished 
with medication & surgery

I have known for a long time 
that I was going to grow up to be a man 
and now I'm just trying to become the best one that I can 
because sometimes 
the only choice you get to make 
is which turn you will take 
on the path that was destined for you 



I don't have all the answers

I used to wonder


Now, the questions I ask myself have changed  

Can I embrace the spectrum of my experience for everything that it is? 
Can I let go of all the limiting conditioning that I have learned? 
Can I love my experience for everything that it has taught me?

And just be myself… unconditionally, unapologetically? 

can we embrace our humanity 


accept life on life's terms? 


That is the humble inquisition of my life in transition 

Four years in, and i already know the answer is yes. 

we have to. 

some how, some day
we will learn to love each other
and stop judging one another
for that which we haven't 
taken the time
to understand 



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